So You Quit Drinking, Big Deal. Now Please Shut Up.

Why do I feel the need to share the news about my decision to quit drinking?

Occasionally I wonder if some people wish I would just shut up about it. But only for a few seconds. Because I can’t worry about that.

I am speaking up because I LOVE MY PEOPLE. I want you to live longer and feel good.

And, I feel guilty for setting a sometimes crappy example for my children in the past.

I didn’t know or understand the dangers of alcohol when I was younger. But I do now.

And for me there is no excuse for not being open and sharing the things I have learned about the risks with those who drink it.

People deserve to know the truth. And from there, make their own decisions about this addictive chemical. 

I Quit Drinking But You Don’t Have To

Drink if you want. I am not judging you. It is YOUR body. Your life.

One of the hardest parts about quitting drinking for me is knowing that my decision affects the people around me. It makes people uncomfortable when you quit.

People who drink want to be around people who drink. And I am a people pleaser with two capital P’s!

What is it about alcohol that creates this pack animal mentality? As humans, we are individuals, with our own needs and desires.

Why can’t we have a non-alcoholic beverage in our glass, while others partake, without causing a scene? What difference does it make?

I think it is merely social conditioning. We have been trained since birth by the society we live in. The marketing machine that is big alcohol and big government, has slowly weaseled its way into every aspect of our lives. 

Loyal customers for life. This is us.

This was me.

Great times were had over the years with wine in hand. But would we have had these wonderful times with ginger ale or hot chocolate instead of vino in our glass?

To most of the good parts, I answer a resounding yes. Some of the shitty parts I could have done without. Can you say blackouts anyone?

Can’t You Just Have One?

There were of course many fun times over the years with alcohol being consumed in moderation here and there. But mostly, if you are a regular drinker, you are going to slowly build up a higher tolerance over the years. 

At some point you might notice that your drinking level has reached a new high on a regular basis.

What was once just a social habit, has turned a corner.

There is no longer a take it or leave it attitude about alcohol. At this point, it is very difficult to return to your previous drinking level for very long.

No going back from a bottle of wine a night or more, to that one nightly glass you used to have five years ago.

If you are at this point, moderation (if you try it) is usually short-lived (days, weeks, maybe a few months if you are extra determined) at best.

Even after you’ve “been good” and skipped wine Monday through Thursday, you will often make up for it and binge on the weekend.

Spending what could have been a glorious two days off in absolute misery. Going back and forth from the bed to the toilet to the fridge. Good times – we say (fake) laughing it off.

Is this the life you really want?

Trust Your Inner Knowing

If you are thinking you drink too much or googling do I have a drinking problem, then the answer is yes.

People who are not drinking in excess do not think about their drinking or google about it.

Trust your inner knowing. You know the answer. You just don’t want to hear it, let alone address it. 

I Know The Feeling

I know the fear of even thinking about the possibility of quitting alcohol is scary and impossible to consider at first. This can be a dark time. I was there.

Talking about my fears out loud with the people I love was impossible for me. 

In fact, after my mom read some of my first blog posts about quitting drinking she told me she was mad at me. Not for admitting I was drinking too much. But for not sharing my struggle with her so she could help me.

But see, I told her, I couldn’t. At that point I wasn’t ready to say it out loud, because I knew that meant I would have to actually DO something about it. And it took me months before I was ready to do that.

In fact, I didn’t even share it with my husband until a week or two in, when I was more confident and sure I was going to follow through.

But one of my personal goals is that I want to be someone who does what I say I will do. And I expect others to do the same.

I am not an all talk, false promise making (full of shit), kind of person. I will do everything possible to follow through on something I say I will do. For myself and for others. 

So I did not want to be held accountable by anyone at first. I think I still held a tiny shred of hope that I wouldn’t have to do it.

But I did it.

And now I will continue to do what I can to help dust myself off and clean up the mess.

Showing Others How To Quit Drinking

Some may think I am exaggerating about the difficulty and challenge of my experience quitting alcohol.

That I was not drinking enough to be “making a big deal” about it. Or, that it was my choice to drink that much, so I need to quit whining about how hard it is to stop.

Too little? Too much? No clear winner here.

I can’t concern myself with others who want to belittle or disparage my words and choices. (But honestly it does hurt my feelings a little.)

I’m going to speak up for those who aren’t ready to or aren’t comfortable talking about it. 

I believe there are thousands of people struggling with alcohol who need to hear from those of us that are willing to share our stories.  

There are people that need to understand that alcohol is addictive and when you drink it regularly or binge at high levels for too long, YOU CAN GET ADDICTED TO IT.

People need to be shown or reminded that there is another way. A way that is more fulfilling and magnificent than they can even imagine.

Every Mother’s Deepest Worry – Was I A Bad Mom?

It bothers me to think that I have modeled regular drinking to my daughters their whole lives.

Or maybe it’s more accurate to say that I have regrets about showing them that using alcohol is the best way to cope with life’s disappointments.

We do have endless wonderful memories of celebrations with friends and family that were overflowing with love AND alcohol.

I mean I had what I considered a “normal” social drinking habit, similar to many of my friends, since the girls were small.

My daughters assure me they were not worried about my drinking. Actually, I think they were a bit disappointed when I decided to quit. (I think now they are proud:)

But I wonder how their lives would be different as adults if I hadn’t been a regular drinker.

When they were little I would do anything and everything to protect them and the health of their tiny, delicious, beautiful and precious bodies. 

Now that they are grown adults, I understand that I no longer have any control or say about how they take care of their own tender selves.

All I can do is continue to share with them what I have learned in this later chapter of my life. They get to do what they will with the information I share. 

Their body, their choice.

This is what I hope to continue to do for others that may be on the path that I once was. I will continue to share how beautiful and happy life can be when you free yourself of alcohol. 

Because now I can see it from the other side. I can see it for the prison it was. And now I am free.

My hope is that by healing myself, I can help others heal as well.

This is how we can create change in the world, one precious body at a time.

I am sharing my story here in the hopes that by talking openly, I might help someone else that is struggling with their own alcohol use. It doesn’t matter how much you are drinking.

Only you know if it’s too much for you. Alcohol worked for me for years until it didn’t.

Writing about my story is also part of my own healing. Having someone actually read it is a bonus.

If you are interested in learning more about what it’s like to go alcohol free, you can read some of my previous posts: No More Hangovers, My “Secret” to A Better Night’s Sleep and How Can You Go To Italy And Not Drink?

Wishing you all good things!

xoxo,

Tam