Removing Alcohol Makes You Braver And More Confident

I agonized for a long time about how to start being more open about my struggle with alcohol during the pandemic.

For months, I read, watched and listened as others shared their stories about removing alcohol from their lives on podcasts, social media and in videos and books.

Courageous and resilient people willing to talk about the most vulnerable parts of themselves.

A kind of bravery that I just didn’t know if I had.

The only thing I can be sure of is that their stories inspired me to live a more beautiful life than I ever thought possible.

To Share Or Not To Share

There is a whole community of people on social media posting their unvarnished truths, scary rock bottoms and courageous victories involving alcohol.

You can search “sober lifestyle” on Instagram and find hundreds of people speaking openly about how alcohol has affected their lives. And, why they have made the decision cut back or to remove alcohol for good.

You can find all kinds of tips and tools that others have used to dig their way out of the deep pit of misery that regular alcohol use can become.

Or, as in my case, the middle of the road, uncomfortable kind of place it can be.

A parking spot with a foggy but visible view of the dark ditch lying in wait a few miles ahead.

About 6 months after removing alcohol from my life, I started feeling this sense of calm. It’s hard to explain.

I’m not sure if it was literal cobwebs clearing from my wine addled brain or what. But things in my world started feeling more settled.

More peaceful.

People Share Their Struggles With Alcohol Differently

I started giving my husband Tom a hard time for not telling me how great it feels to be alcohol free.

Tom had removed alcohol from his life ten years earlier and become a quiet example. Anyone who knows him is not at all surprised by this. (Including me to be honest.)

He is a thoughtful person. Not one to offer unsolicited advice. But I still had to give him a hard time – playfully – but still.

“Babe, why didn’t you tell me how great it is to wake up without a hangover?”

“Why didn’t you tell me you are sleeping like a rock every night because you don’t drink anymore?”

“Why did you not share this critical information WITH YOUR WIFE?”

Ugh. The truth is, if he would have told me that if I removed alcohol from my life, things would be so much better, I know I would have dug my heels in. I wasn’t ready to hear it.

I would have just poured myself another glass of wine and thought, “I’ll show him!”

Instead he, literally, showed me. And this was the right way for him.

Courageous AF People of The Internet

I think about this now and I thank god there were others out in the world willing to share their stories.

Authors, podcasters, bloggers and yes – Instagrammers – were my support and cheering section since September 7, 2021. The day I decided I was going to remove alcohol from my life for 30 days.

These brave strangers continue to give me hope and encouragement.

Some of them share horrific tales of physical abuse and grave, personal loss that led them to abuse alcohol and other drugs.

And some share stories more like mine.

An average mom and wife with a comfortable life in suburban America, caught somewhere between wine o’clock and severe alcohol use disorder.

These courageous souls, willing to speak up, showed me there was another way to live. They showed me that I still had a choice.

That by choosing to numb myself with alcohol from the pain and fear of life, I was also numbing the good and beautiful parts.

That my life did not have to be filled with boozy outings, wine vacations and champagne celebrations to be wonderful.

In fact, it is just the opposite. They demonstrated HOPE for something more fulfilling and authentic.

And several months after removing alcohol from my life, I knew in my heart that I wanted to pass along the story of my journey to others.

When Will I Find My Voice?

But the fear and self doubt I felt about speaking my truth in public consumed me. What would it take for me to feel confident enough to speak up? Let my voice be heard?

I knew I was setting myself up to be judged. Would telling this truth embarrass my kids? Would people think I was just being self-congratulatory? Sanctimonious?

Why do I care so much about what other people think?  

The willingness of others to be open about a topic that makes many people uncomfortable is inspiring to me, but also scary.

I am in my 50’s, and the women in my generation were raised to play well with others and follow the rules.

Removing My Alcohol Crutch Might Be Tough For This Quiet Girl

In fact, there is a story that my mom still tells that happened when I was about 4 years old.

I was sitting on the floor in our family room surrounded by a pile of toys. My 2-year old brother was standing over me and banging me over the head with his toy baseball bat. I sat there silently crying, the tears pouring down my cheeks.

Hearing the commotion, mom came to my rescue. She raced into the room, reaching over me to swing my brother up off his feet and away from me. 

My proud mama has told this story, tenderly bragging about what a sweet big sister I was.

Quiet, obedient and such a good girl.

From the moment my brother was born she had reminded me that I needed to be gentle with the baby. And I had followed this instruction at all times.

Even when he got big enough to whack me over the head with his plastic Louisville Slugger.

All I wanted was to be able to color in my H.R. PufnStuff color book in peace. Undisturbed and surrounded by my beloved Crayolas.

When was this shy little girl going to learn to speak up?

Alcohol is An Addictive Substance Just Like Tobacco

Alcoholism, alcohol use disorder, addiction or whatever you want to call it is considered shameful by most of society. I am not sure why.

I mean alcohol is an addictive substance just like tobacco.

Over time, you need more to get the same affect. What starts out as a habit can sneak up on you and before you know it, you have turned the corner to addiction.

You may not even experience that much of a buzz anymore when you drink. Your body now just needs the alcohol. This truly sucks.

But it is NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF.

Drink Responsibly?

The “Drink Responsibly” message you see on alcohol packaging is the thing someone should be ashamed of.

Giving people a beverage filled with an addictive toxin and then telling them if they drink too much of it, THAT IT IS THEIR FAULT. What??

This is actual bullshit.

Big alcohol has been allowed to thrive and sell us all this bill of goods. Because politicians and big governments around the world need the billions of dollars it generates.

And we all just keep buying it.

In fact, the government in Japan recently started a campaign, “Sake Viva” to recruit the public in helping them figure out how to sell more booze to young people for the needed tax revenue. I think this is disgusting and wrong on so many levels.

I am not saying that I think everyone should remove alcohol from their life. But I do think it’s time to help people become more aware that there is another way to live.

A life path that does not require alcohol to be present at every event and activity for it to be fun, celebratory or meaningful.

And now as the pandemic is easing, there are more people around the world drinking at higher levels than ever before.

Anyone else find this alarming?

Drink If You Want, But At Least Make An Informed Decision

I do think, at the very least, people who drink should educate themselves about the risks.

Make an informed decision.

Did you know that alcohol is directly linked to multiple cancers including mouth, throat, voice box, esophagus, liver, colon, rectum, breast and stomach? The data is there – just google it.

People will spend more time researching the Whole 30 diet than read about alcohol and the harmful affects it has on our one and only beautiful body.

We have educated our children more about the dangers of taking ibuprofen than about the dangers of drinking. (At least I did.)

No one wants to read this ugly stuff, I know. I used to feel the same way.

For many people, there is still a choice to drink or not. You will not be able to change your relationship with alcohol until YOU decide it’s something you want to do.

Unfortunately, if you are one of the unlucky ones already severely addicted to alcohol, this is serious and you will need help.

You may need the intervention of your family, the courts or medical assistance to help you make the break. Because if you stop on your own, you could die.

If you believe you are in this place, please ask for help.

Sober = Boring? I Think Not

I am ashamed to admit that I am someone who thought like this in the past.

“Aw come on, don’t be boring, can’t you just have one?”

Nobody likes a party pooper. I get it.

But after removing alcohol from my life, boring to me now is spending all my precious free time drinking…

Behaving badly, being rude and argumentative. Losing my keys, wallet, phone, purse. Forgetting conversations. Getting injured. Finding mysterious bruises. Saying and doing dumb things I never would have done if I hadn’t been drinking.

The Oxford dictionary definition of sober is “not affected by alcohol”.

This is one of the reasons I prefer to call myself alcohol free rather than sober. Sober is such an inaccurate word to describe my current state of being.

I HAVE BEEN affected by alcohol. And so have many of my family and friends.

A sober person is also described as “serious, sensible and solemn”.

There is nothing SOLEMN about being alcohol free, unless you wait too long to remove it from your body. And, ok yes, it is SERIOUS and SENSIBLE when you are withdrawing from it.

But after that it, it is f*cking BRILLIANT!

Mom Starts A Blog

A few weeks before my one year AF date I found I was feeling brave enough to start a blog: Mom’s Alcohol Free Second Half.

At that point, telling my story to mostly strangers was where I felt safe.

It took me weeks to figure out how to blog. Technology doesn’t come easy for me in my sixth decade on the planet!

When I went to post my first article, the WordPress blog site wanted me to put a hyperlink in it. I was baffled. What’s a hyperlink?

This seems like a small thing now, but it was a complete mystery to me then. When I figured out how to do it, it LITERALLY made my entire day.

It had felt so good to get my words out.

Little victories. My confidence was building.

Finally Brave Enough For Insta and FB

Three weeks later, at my one year AF mark, I felt ready for a broader audience.

I shivered with dread and excitement to share a one minute reel I made on Instagram and Facebook. The video declared openly to family, friends and business associates, my joy to be celebrating one year alcohol free.

Hitting share to my Facebook friends and Instagram followers, I held my breath.

I released my worries of being judged and let go of the thought that I might make my family and friends uncomfortable.

I took solace knowing that my people, the ones that love me for who I truly am, would be happy for me.

You May See Me Struggle But You’ll Never See Me Quit

I needed to move forward and show the world (and myself) that struggling with alcohol is not something to be embarrassed or ashamed about it.

One of the very best parts of blogging and sharing on social media is that I have received several DM’s from people in my circle.

Some with words of congratulations and others with questions about how I did it.

It is impossible to describe here with words, the feeling of gratitude I get when I know I may have reached someone who needed to hear my message.

My hope is that by sharing the stories of my alcohol free journey, I will help someone else know that they are not alone.

That there is joy, beauty and connection on the other side of alcohol.

Xoxo,

Tammy

“Vulnerability is not winning or losing. It’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.” -Brene Brown