I Deserve To Be Healthy And Whole. It’s An Alcohol Free Life For Me

Toward the end of my drinking days, I knew alcohol was hurting me and that I deserved better.

I wasn’t just drinking to celebrate or enjoy the sunset at the end of a beautiful day.

More wine was also being poured as a way for me to avoid any kind of negative feelings. And during a pandemic – there were many.

Fear, sadness, anxiety, stress, frustration, anger – you name it, we had ALL of it.

If one of our daughters had a fight with her boyfriend and was upset – DRINK. Maybe they hated their job and were miserable – DRINK.

Perhaps they were sad because school was closed and their classes were all on zoom – DRINK. If I was cranky and didn’t get any sleep the night before because of their 2am jacuzzi music party – DRINK.

My first reaction was to reach for the wine bottle to shut off my feelings entirely. It was the easy way out.

I knew that I deserved to treat myself and my body better than this but I couldn’t, or wouldn’t, listen to the voice in my head.

I Deserve Wine

There was a time when the kids were small, that drinking wine had been a reward.

It had been a prize for making it through the day.

I was still standing! With three little ones, a husband, a job and a house that all needed my constant attention.

I told myself that I deserve this golden, chilled glass of Chardonnay. I earned it.

You are a champion! Maybe the greatest mother of all time! And you shall be honored in all your sweaty, vomit-stained glory!

Ok, this is complete BS.

But us moms everywhere (me) are (were) buying it.

In late 2021, I finally had had enough. I realized by then that alcohol was no longer helping me or my family. In fact, it was starting to hurt.

I spent too many days waking up sick from the Pinot Grigio that “I earned and deserved”.

The scary thing was that living my life in this gray state of being – drink, sleep, repeat – was becoming an accepted thing. Especially by mid 2020.

Being wound up tight, depressed, anxious, sleep-deprived and quick to anger – then drinking on it – had become the norm.

Social media memes were telling me this everyday. I knew these memes were supposed to be funny but I was starting to see the underlying truth of them and it wasn’t pretty.

Hahaha two-day hangovers are hilarious! Staying up all night and blackout drinking is so much funnnnnn!

Falling and nearly breaking my butt while dancing on my bachelorette wine tasting party bus that is hurtling down the freeway is soooo silly! (This actually was kinda funny since no one was really hurt, but what if they had been? I am definitely too old for this.)

I knew I deserved to treat myself better.

Alcohol had to go.

So, in September of 2021, I decided to give up drinking for 30 days and see how my life would change.

If you want to learn more of the details of what it is like to go alcohol free, read some of my previous posts including Sober Hair Is A Thing, No More Hangovers and My “Secret” To A Better Night’s Sleep. I won’t repeat all the dirt again here.

Once I decided to remove alcohol from my daily life, I went on a mission to heal myself.

I read many, many books filled with advice on how to move forward into more healthful living. Without booze.

My Body Deserves to Be Healthy

It’s funny, once you quit drinking, your brain opens up to a whole new world of ideas and things you want to do with all the time you have gained.

I never realized how much time I had spent thinking and planning my social (drinking) life.

Mapping out when I would get to drink next. Where I would get the drinks. Who I would drink with. Then, the actual drinking.

And finally, the recovering – worrying, stressing and feeling sick – from my drinking. In my 50’s, three jumbo glasses (are there any other kind?) of wine would do it.

Also, when did drinking a bottle of wine a day become normal?

It took quitting booze for me to finally see the ridiculousness of it all.

One of the first things I wanted to work on was nourishing my body back to health.

In addition to adding a daily multivitamin and several vitamin supplements recommended for women my age, I began to work on eating a more balanced and healthier diet.

Your appetite changes drastically over time, when you regularly drink alcohol. Your body adapts to your consumption by adjusting the amount of food it requires.

This is the reason many regular drinkers often eat much lighter than non drinkers.

Your body is a miracle and brilliant at adjusting to its accommodations.

But it’s the only one you’ve got.

Doesn’t it deserve better than being served a daily dose of an addictive chemical known to cause cancer and all kinds of autoimmune diseases?

I know YOU deserve better.

Running and Recovery

After quitting drinking, I bought a cookbook for runners, Rise & Run, that I heard about on a podcast.

I have been a morning jogger for nearly 40 years. Although, most mornings during the pandemic, I felt pretty horrible and my pace was slow and unsteady.

I wanted to get stronger and back to a higher pace and more miles again so I knew I needed better fuel.

Rise & Run has some great recipes for mineral rich, energy inducing granola that are meant to be eaten before or after exercise.

So I decided to make us a batch. It was so delicious and filling that it soon became a favorite at our house.

After making a million different versions (granola is the perfect food to experiment with the ingredients, depending on what you have in your pantry-so feel free to modify it) here is the recipe that I use:

Tam’s Recovery Granola (or Honey Nut Maple Cinnamon)

This is a double recipe and fills about 4 large (16 oz) mason jars. (Wrapped with a ribbon is my favorite way to deliver it!)

• 6 cups rolled oats
• 1 cup shredded coconut (if desired)
• 1 cup raisins (if desired)
• 1 cup sliced almonds (or chopped cashews, macadamia nuts or Costco Mixed Nuts) (more protein, antioxidants)
• 1/2 cup whole almonds (vitamin E too)
• 1/2 cup pepitas (fiber, antioxidant)
• 1/2 cup sunflower seeds (antioxidant)
• 3 T cinnamon
• 1-1/2 tsp salt
• 6 T ground flax seed (for protein & fiber)
• 2 T chia seeds (fiber, protein, antioxidant, Omega-3s, vital amino acids)
• 2/3 cup melted coconut oil (olive or sunflower oil ok)
• 1/3 cup maple syrup
• 1/3 cup honey (skip the honey and use all maple syrup – 2/3 cup total – for vegan granola)
• 2 T vanilla extract
• 1 T almond extract (use 3 T vanilla if you don’t have)
• 1/3 cup almond butter (or peanut butter if you have to)

Mix dry ingredients. Whisk together wet ingredients and pour over dry. Mix well.

Lay parchment paper on two lined baking sheets. Spread granola evenly for baking.

Bake at 275 degrees for 45 minutes, removing and stirring granola every 15 minutes. When you remove trays at 45 minutes, let stand until fully cooled. Break up and fill mason jars.

Enjoy with berries and yogurt or, my favorite way, the vegan version with extra protein – a blob of almond butter – and sliced banana.

This granola is the perfect recovery food from a workout and so yummy.

Small Steps Toward Healing

The last batch of granola I made was while on a trip to La Quinta where we have a vacation home that is a favorite getaway for golf and sun.

I didn’t have any mason jars at the house in LQ so I stored the granola in an assortment of Tupperware with mismatched lids to bring home. The containers were stacked in a shopping bag sitting on the back seat.

When traffic suddenly stopped while heading home on I-10 west (a California highway with a never ending traffic jam of tourists and big rigs), my husband Tom slammed on the brakes.

The bag went tumbling to the floor, granola flying all over my newly washed and vacuumed car. Ugh!

Unbuckling my seatbelt, I attempted to save what I could of the fresh baked goodness. Most of one container had fallen out and littered the floor. A tiny bit was left on the bottom.

I held it up triumphantly to Tom handing him a cluster and said “Well, that could have been a lot worse!”

And then, “Dang, this is one I my best batches ever,” as I munched my way through a handful.

I looked at him to see if he agreed and he was smiling broadly at me in that smile that I personally think he saves only for me.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked him.

He repeated my words back to me. “You said that could have been a lot worse. And you are sitting there smiling. No swearing, no being annoyed at messing up the car AND you’re not upset about the ruined granola. I think you would have reacted a little differently awhile back”

I smiled back at him and my eyes filled with tears when I understood what he was telling me.

It may seem like a small thing, but at that moment, it was big to me.

He was so right. And it felt SO good.

Getting Myself Whole Again

I was calmer, less stressed and more peaceful than I had been in a very long time.

In fact, each day I am alcohol free I feel more and more at home in my body again. And I know in my bones that I am well on my way back to wholeness and healing.

And I deserve it.

You do too.

xoxo,

Tammy