My “Secret” To Getting A Better Night’s Sleep

There are thousands of sleep aids on the market today promising you a better night’s sleep. Prescription meds, herbal supplements, CBD and THC products, cognitive and behavioral therapies, meditation podcasts, sleep apps and more.

What if someone told you that there was ONE THING you could do today that would get you a better night’s sleep for the rest of your life? Would you do it?

And, by the way, one of the best parts of this one thing is that it’s free. Not only that, you can even SAVE MONEY by doing this one thing.

Trying To Get A Better Night’s Sleep In A Worldwide Pandemic

Like many people, I found myself drinking more than usual during the pandemic. 

Happy hour in the past started around 5pm with a little wine while making dinner and then a glass or two more with our meal.

But now, with no real schedule or plans for the day, our “happy hour” was starting earlier and ending even later.

I was still performing the duties of the Type A, perfectionist-type mom that I considered myself to be. Taking care of business, getting things done around the house, jogging 5 miles in the morning, cooking, shopping – all the stuff.

Not falling down drunk or making a spectacle of myself. I didn’t drive if I had been drinking, so no DUI’s or car accidents.

Just a slow IV of wine that often continued until nearly bedtime when I poured myself to sleep. Yikes.

My newly expanded wine routine helped me avoid feeling all the feels of a world wide pandemic. It helped with the scary thoughts and the exhaustion of living with the stress of this new world.

And, best of all, it helped me get a better night’s sleep (I thought). The next day I would feel like crap of course, but no one else would notice.

Every day I would promise myself that I would drink less – my feeble attempt at moderation.

This rarely, if ever, actually worked. Once I drank my first glass, my resolution immediately went out the window.

Eat, Drink, Sleep, Repeat

This schedule worked for me for many, many months. Until it didn’t.

I remember the night I had my last drink very well (Santa Margarita pinot grigio), although I didn’t know it would be.

It was the end of a long Labor Day Weekend, the unofficial end of summer in the U.S., and our oldest daughter’s 28th birthday.

My husband and I were relaxing in front of the TV after a lovely afternoon of swimming, cocktails and dinner with friends and family.

All our guests had left around 8pm. (Still early! I thought.) So I poured myself another glass of wine and plopped down on the couch.

My negative self talk began its stealthy attack immediately.

What the hell is your problem? I thought to myself. Why do you need to have ANOTHER glass after this perfect day? You’ve had enough. What is wrong with you? Shit!

I knew I was drinking too much.

The next morning, I woke up feeling sick and disgusted with myself, once again.

I realized I hadn’t taken one single day off from alcohol since I had Covid back in November 2020.

Even then, I drank wine for several days after testing positive, until I started to really get sick. Slightly problematic behavior? Hmmmm…

I decided in that moment, that I was going to take a 30 day break from alcohol. I didn’t tell a soul. Mostly because I wasn’t sure I could do it.

Alcohol Does Not Help You Get A Better Night’s Sleep

Many people have a misconception (like I once did) that alcohol actually helps you sleep.

This is absolutely not true. Alcohol only helps you fall asleep faster. Then it RUINS the rest of your night’s sleep!

After drinking you will fall asleep faster. You will immediately go into a deep sleep cycle called SWS (Slow Wave Sleep) that lasts for about 5 hours. This is the deepest and most restorative sleep phase.

Once the alcohol begins to metabolize about five hours later, your body is literally activated again and wants to wake up. The rest of your night will consist of a few hours of restless, fitful sleep.

You will get little to no REM sleep (Rapid Eye Movement or dream cycle) at all during your first few (passed out) hours.

But REM sleep is also a critical part of your sleep cycle. It stimulates the areas of your brain that are essential in learning, making and retaining memories.

During this phase of sleep, your brain exercises critical neural connections, key to your mental and overall well-being and health.

Both cycles are necessary for you to achieve a deep, restful and invigorating sleep.

When you are not drinking alcohol, your two sleep cycles will typically alternate all night long. An average eight hours of alcohol free sleep should result in 7 or 8 REM cycles.

On nights after drinking, you may only have one or two REM cycles. Even one glass of wine can affect your sleep cycle.

This is why you are so damn tired after drinking, even after getting what you thought was a better night’s sleep.

If you continue to drink daily, this lack of nourishing sleep steadily accumulates.

Many people might then reach for more caffeine during the day. This means that the next night, you will need even more alcohol to counteract the effects of the extra caffeine in order to fall asleep.

This becomes a vicious and all consuming cycle. 

As you pile up consecutive days, weeks, months or even years of this terrible sleep – you will likely end up feeling absolutely, f*cking exhausted all the time.

I know because I was there.

Maybe You’ve Guessed My “Secret”- Remove The Booze!

So after agonizing for months, on September 7, 2021, I decided to remove alcohol from my life for 30 days.

It took awhile for me to stack up consecutive nights of solid, delicious slumber.

I prepared our bedroom as I liked it, dark and cool, with a low fan running and tried to avoid my phone for at least a half hour before bed.

Sleep still refused to come until LONG after my normal 10pm bedtime. Ugh. Falling asleep is basically a skill that your brain and body need to relearn after being a regular drinker.

But don’t despair, your brain is a miracle worker. Be patient. Your ability to fall asleep will come back.

At first, I resisted using one of my CBD sleep products to help me fall asleep. I had used them once in awhile in the past and thought they helped a little. 

I wanted to learn to fall asleep naturally and all on my own. But it was so hard at first and I got frustrated waiting for this to happen.

So I did use Beauty Sleep CBD drops occasionally during the beginning of my AF journey.

After a month or so, as my nightly sleep started getting better each day, I realized I still wanted (needed!) more of it.

Sleep, that is. In fact, I wanted to sleep all the time.

I COULD NOT GET ENOUGH OF IT.

In the middle of the day I might crash and burn and need an immediate nap. Not a twenty minute one, but several hours.

Even 12 hours of Z’s at night sometimes felt like not enough. Sleeping during happy hour was also convenient. For me this was the toughest time of the day to not drink.

I think I was making up for years of horrible, alcohol impaired, sleep.

Maybe this will explain my absence to any social media friends that may have noticed I fell off the grid a bit this past year.

Recovering your body, mind and spirit back is a delicate and difficult process.

IT TAKES TIME.

Your Better Night’s Sleep (And Dreams!) Will Come

After several months alcohol free and getting regular, nourishing, restful sleep, I was feeling so much better.

Upping my 30 day alcohol free goal to 100 days, then longer, had been a no brainer.

Many days were hard – yes – no doubt about it. But the many positives far outweighed the few negatives. Plus, I felt too great to stop.

I was sleeping well and dreaming so much. Ah the DREAMING!

I didn’t even realize how much I had missed dreaming! I mean, I had dreams once in awhile. But now I woke up every day and remembered so many of them.

At over one year alcohol free today, this still feels so wonderful!

Things got so good with my sleep that I stopped using the CBD sleep stuff to see if I still needed it.

I’ve never looked back. I don’t need it to get a better night sleep anymore.

I still wake up and have to pee but am able to go right back to sleep most every time. My sleep is pure bliss.

Zero sleep aids. It’s like being a kid again. Absolutely glorious.

Ok, I will still have an occasional night of awake time worrying – usually about our adult kids. But my Mom, who rarely drinks, says that never goes away no matter how old your kids get!

Eight hours sleep is enough for me now most nights. I wake up feeling rested and excited for a new day. My self talk has changed drastically to I feel so good, I love my life.

I don’t hate those god-awful early morning flights anymore. (Let’s go somewhere babe!)

And I LOVE seeing the sunrise.

This is truly life changing stuff.

No More Drinking To Fall Asleep

By removing this ONE THING – ALCOHOL – from my daily life for over 365 days, I have found the secret to a better night’s sleep.

And it’s a beautiful thing.

I am sharing my story here in the hopes that it can help anyone else that may be struggling in their relationship with alcohol.

It doesn’t matter how much you are drinking. Only you know if it’s too much for you.

You don’t have to wait until your drinking habit gets worse or you hit a rock bottom to decide to change. Alcohol worked for me for years until one day it didn’t.

Writing about my story is also part of my own healing and growth. Having someone actually read it is a bonus.

See my previous posts including Sober Hair is Actually A Thing, Removing Alcohol Makes You Braver and No More Hangovers, for more things I discovered when I removed alcohol from my life.

I wish for you all good things!

xoxo,

Tammy